peNi$ P@tche$!

Within 15 minutes, I’ve received not one or two, but five spamails to my work account touting penis patches.

First of all, (lacking the actual experience of possessing a penis) where does one stick these patches?  Do you actually stick them on your penis?  Isn’t that going to hurt to rip that sucker off when the time comes? 

Second, patches aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.  I tried Ortho-Evra for a while, and the one big downside is the gross outline the patch leaves on your skin.  The adhesive gets all linty and ick, leaving a gray square outline.  Imagine that, ON YOUR PENIS.

Third, after taunting me with something I cannot benefit from (longer! harder! more confidence!), why in theee hell is the following text included?  Is this the lay man’s philosopher’s choice in penis patches? 

Tis the good reader that makes the good book.   

Under every stone lurks a politician.      

The days of the digital watch are numbered.    

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.

There is no love sincerer than the love of food.

Maybe the next email I’ll get will be "Penis patches – now with wisdom!"

Advertisements