What you don’t want for xmas

November 30, 2005 § 5 Comments

‘Tis the season for holiday catalogs.  Our tiny mailbox is filled to the brim each day with printed retail goodies.  In fact, I’ve gotten catalogs from places I’ve never even heard from.  One caught my eye in particular with these items:

A domed umbrella – a safe port in a storm!

And don’t forget the matching one for Fido!

"Your family and friends are sure to smile as they pull a tissue from the stone-faced tiki god."  I couldn’t even make that shit up.

Your "cheery tree" will become the talk of the neighborhood!


An essential tool for the home stylist!


Nothing says bling bling like a diamond paper weight.  Let all your coworkers know you’re a baller with this gem.

Holiday feasts take a real toll on the waistline.  Don’t forget to pack your Waist Extender this holiday season!

Back fat got you down?  Don’t worry, just extend that bra and make it comfy again!

Why not perk up your lawn and entertain neighbors with a Whizzing Beagle?  Don’t worry, this ceramic pup leaves no trace behind!

And, my personal favorite:  Totally Nude Aerobics hosted by a Traci Lords lookalike.
Warning:  Contains Nudity.


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