Well poop.

July 3, 2007 § 15 Comments

Or not.

I haven’t pooped in 5 days. I eat a well-balanced diet (um… well, at least lately), have been taking fiber supplements daily, and I still got nada. No rumblings, no fake-outs, no cramps… nothing.

I’m kinda scared at this point.



§ 15 Responses to Well poop.

  • Greg says:

    Sounds like a job for Colon Blow…

  • mrpbody33 says:

    I’ll come by and play the “brown note” on my recorder for you.

  • Tiffany says:

    That’s awful! I’ll do a poop dance for you and maybe that will get things moving for you.

  • Greg says:

    Actually, I’ll suggest you pass on the colon blow and head straight to the poopectomy

    and as added humour I’ll repost this gem

    I feel your pain, really…

    There used to be a period now so long ago when I didn’t poop for weeks at a time, seriously!

    It felt like there was 50lbs of poo pushing at my asshole but couldn’t get out. Like it was a poo riot with all the poo smooshed up against the gate so hard no poo could get loose. It was so bad I couldn’t focus my eyes enough to read. horrible, sweating, gripping the toilet seat discomfort to the point where I almost tried to get off the shitter and somehow make it outside to the hose and stick it in my ass like a freaking enema. I came so very close to accepting the lord when it all came out.

    The good news is I pooped my way into a smaller wardrobe!

  • mingaling says:

    Colon blow, poop dance, anything… I’m bound to lose 10 lbs. when this thing comes out of me.

  • Doug Quance says:

    I guess you’re not just sunshine and ponies…

  • michelle says:

    Have you tried taking a long walk? Sometimes that helps.

  • Odd Ogg says:

    You have many wonderful friends: Colon Blow and coffee are quite good. A colonic is the perfect thing. Basically, they jam a hose up the heine and let ‘er rip. You’ll poo till the cows come home. If that doesn’t work, you could always use St. Lloyd’s “Prayer for Poo.”

  • Kelley says:

    Fresh blueberries. They really work. Really.

  • Cyanbane says:

    5 days? damn. I think I would start hurting after 2 or 3. or atleast be really nervous in social situations.

    As for Kelley, she/he is cracking me up. Although I just read that comment I have a feeling she was looking you right in the eyes when she typed it.

    “No, I am serious ming, blueberries….

    For the love of God. blueberries.”

    The only time I have seen such food-use zealotry is when people suggest eating spoonfuls of peanut butter to cure the hickups. those people are on the Scientology level.

    “If you don’t eat this peanut butter, millions will die for no reason and it will be all your fault… and you will still have hickups..”

  • Maigh says:

    Damn. I hope you have Roto-Rooter on speed dial.

  • Tiffany says:

    How’s it going…..down there?

  • Kelley says:

    So was it blueberries? 😉

    Cyanbane, I’m just speaking from experience.

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