July 5, 2007 § 7 Comments

I have an unexplainable loathing for seersucker.

I don’t know if there was a time in my life that I haven’t hated that material, but everything about it elicits a violent dislike for it. The bunched up threads, the awful pinstriping… maybe it’s the fact that it’s supposed to be wrinkly and crinkly that makes me want to rip it to shreds.

Even more disturbing than the fabric itself is who I either see wearing it or envision wearing such a thing. I hate it on girls as well as boys, but the fact that it is apparently an acceptable and common material for men’s suiting in the South elicits violent reactions from myself. I throw up a little in my mouth every time I see a man in a seersucker suit, who presumably would be more at home on a plantation, sucking down disgusting mint juleps and being the perfect Southern momma’s boy with the accent of Foghorn Leghorn than watching a football game with the guys and a few brews.

Poor little children are also subjected to seersucker, to which I can only imagine the nightmare of them growing up in the image of Colonel Sanders.

Seriously, people, stop the demasculation. Mommas, don’t let your sons grow up to look like douchebags. How can you take anyone seriously wearing something like this?

fucking hate seersucker


§ 7 Responses to Seer-suck-er

  • Oliver says:

    What about Matlock? He was a HUGE baller, and he rocked the seersucker. Perhaps he was the exception to the rule. Otherwise I think you’re definitely on to something. Joakim Noah is a huge douchebag and he was in seersucker at the NBA draft…

  • HG says:

    Heee! I love seersucker. On my little girls. And the occasional quilt.

  • dpb says:

    Mommas, don’t let your sons grow up to look like douchebags.

    funniest line ever … applies to so many situations

  • Jeff Kenny says:

    Me. Reminds ME. I should stop commenting on blogs after midnight.

  • Tony says:

    I agree with your characterization of those usually found decked out in seersucker. In fact, I’ll see your seersucker and raise you madras plaid. No one who wears madras is not an asshole.

    HOWEVER, given that this is the south, and that men are expected to wear suits at certain occasions just the same regardless of the oppressive summer weather, seersucker provides a welcome cooling refuge, and there aren’t many other options unless you want to be some linen wearing freak straight out of the Internatnional Male catalog.

  • mingaling says:

    Touche, Tony. Your stance on madras definitely takes the cake.

    And since we’re in the South, could we not just have you boys resort to wifebeaters and cut-off denim shorts?

    Oh wait, I forgot I’m no longer living in Florida…

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