Waiting on the Motherload

March 15, 2010 § 6 Comments

The other day I noticed that the baby hadn’t pooped all day.  As a new parent, pooping is very important (almost as important as feeding her).  Immediately after her birth, they give us a chart to write down every time she pooped or peed.  Every time the nurse came into the room, the first thing she asked was if she had any dirty diapers (um, hello?  I’m the one that just pushed out a human being.  Fine, pay attention to the cute one… grr).

So I waited.  And waited.  And waited some more.  She was grunty and gassy, and it was obvious that she wanted to poop but it just wasn’t happening.  It was Day 4 of no poop and I was getting worried.  I consulted Baby 411, which is pretty much the bible of newborn care and read it was just fine, but was that good enough for my psychopathic new mom anxiety?  Noooo… so I googled and got the same. damn. answer.

People, I am famous on the internet not for my wit or charm, but the fact that I am always constipated.  Had I passed this onto my kid through some magical transfusion via breastmilk?  Is my kid never going to poop again?  And why the fuck am I so eager to change a shitty diaper?

That brings us to Day 5.  She was entertaining herself while I jumped in the shower, and when I got out she was giggling loudly and had the biggest smile on her face.  She was so proud of herself for, you guessed it, POOP.  And it was the motherload:  she shit through her diaper, her pjs, her blanket, our duvet, and through our comforter.  It was a spectacular assplosion, and I scooped her up and screamed “emergency bath!” while running across the house.  But she was happy, and so was I.

Epic.

Note:

At home we use a little Eat, Sleep, & Poop journal.  I tried to be all fancy and high tech with an iPod/Phone app called Baby Brain, but when you’re sleep deprived and limited in time wrangling a newborn, you are not in any mood to push buttons unless you have an assistant.  Old school paper and pen work the best.

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§ 6 Responses to Waiting on the Motherload

  • Muskrat says:

    Congrats–you are now a bona fide mommy blogger.

  • mingaling says:

    is that your way of telling me there’s more shitsplosions to come? crap.

  • Jackie says:

    Love it. Have you gotten snooped on yet? (sneeze + projectile poo) I had that lovely experience (again!) last week. It was super-fantastic-awesome.

    And we tried the baby brain thing too. It lasted all of two weeks before I deleted it.

  • Courtney says:

    Thanks for enabling me — I just ordered that journal. I’m almost out of pages in my notebook but I’m too neurotic to stop logging. But is it bad that Amazon has it listed as the Eat, Sleep, Poop log? Heh, log.

  • mingaling says:

    Ha, I didn’t notice that! I just bought a second one, too. I am also neurotic 😉

  • Myra says:

    When I called our pedi concerned about the exact same thing, the nurse specifically told me to gird myself for the “motherlode.” I laughed at her. I shouldn’t have.

    And until you’ve heard your husband scream like a teenage girl because poo shot over his shoulder, I say, “Rookie!!” 🙂

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